I’ve always assumed that those who write about sports in the public eye are more knowledgeable, insightful, and creative than the average joe. However, ESPN’s Skip Bayless has single-handedly made it his point to prove me wrong. The more I read this clown, it becomes apparent that all you need to do in this business is a strong opinion, an attitude, and the ability to say stupid shit that eventually gets proven wrong. Skip is incredibly talented in each of these facets. But when it comes to applying logical arguments to backup insightful sports knowledge, his is on par with Anna Benson and Darrin Jackson.
Skip seems to be one of these breed of writers that is in it simply to stir the pot. His points are outlandish and seemingly provided for shock value alone. He’ll consistently take the second or third popular opinion on a debatable topic, make an argument and discount anyone who disagrees with him. His attitude is that anyone who doesn’t take his side is a moron. The only problem here is that his track record is laughable. Almost every time he employs this format, he’s the one that ends up looking like a jackass.
A prime example is the NFL, his favorite and supposedly most knowledgeable sport. He prides himself on knowing more than anyone about the game. If this were truly the case he’d be GM rather than a talking head, and even Skip himself said “I wonder when some NFL team will get smart enough to hire me”.(4.25.06) This quote rates high on the all-time unintentional comedy scale. In an article re-capping the 2005 NFL draft he said “Mike Williams, who finally goes to the Lions.Yes, and I ... like it. No, I love it. The Lions have strengthened their strength. If Charles Rogers can get and stay healthy, how can a defense match up with Rogers and Roy Williams split wide and Mike Williams and Az Hakim in the slots?” (4.25.05) When commenting on the Raiders acquisition of Randy Moss: “Understand, Davis made what will go down as one of the great trades in NFL history, acquiring Moss and immediately making the Raiders a playoff contender again” (4.25.06). While on staff at the Dallas Morning News in the early 90’s, he wrote a column urging the Cowboys to dump Troy Aikman and start Steve Walsh. (in related work, he tried to call out Aikman for being In the Closet). Last time I checked, Oakland and Detrot combined to go 9-23 in 2005, and Aikman has 3 super bowl rings. Apparently Skip also convinced the Buccaneers to sign Alvin Harper and acted as an agent for the Vikings in the Herschel Walker deal.
Unfortunately for us, his opinions aren’t limited to the gridiron. Back in February, as the Knicks stumbled in futility, his theory was that Larry Brown “has the league, the media and the fans right where he wants them, right where he needs them” and not to be “surprised if, come April, the only question about the Knicks is: Can they possibly make the playoffs?” (2.24.06). Theres a few hundred things one could say about that. Prior to that he said“Gerald Green, will turn out to be better than anyone else in this draft.” (6.27.05). The verdict is still out on Green, but his career has just been postmarked for failure by Bayless’s vote of confidence.
If you need a new house, make sure you read up on Bayless and bet against any prediction he makes. In the past eigth months, his picks have included USC trouncing Texas (“The Trojans, who wield the most difficult to defend offense in NCAA history, would beat Texas by two touchdowns on a neutral field. Maybe three.”(10.27.05)), UCLA downing Florida (“The Gators have no idea what they're up against.”(4.3.06)) and picking the Bengals (the Bengals!), prior to the playoffs, to win the AFC. He also advised his readers to bet heavily on Mr. T in Rocky III.
Sometimes his points are so out of leftfield its perplexing. He feels baseball should have instant replay. He believes that football should eliminate the placekicker. He thinks college football coaches should start their players even if they don’t go to class. His opinion is that Anika Sorenstem should play on the men’s PGA tour. If you are into 5-hour baseball games, rugby as a major US sport, the 1980’s Miami Hurricanes, and rampant lesbianism then I guess you can relate to Bayless. The rest of us who actually follow and care about sports don’t get it. These points are so easily refuteble and silly that I question if he actually believes them or not, or if he’s just trying to get noticed. More likely, he is just trying to create some controversy.
My theory is that Bayless has a inferiority complex. This is why he goes over the top to compensate for the fact that he’s not one bit cool, and hopes you don’t see through his phony bullshit. This is his way of getting back at the kids who didn’t pick him for schoolyard hoops, and the girls that constantly shot him down (Lisa Gastineau said that the one man she'd never date under any circumstance is ESPN commentator Skip Bayless…not saying much, but still). He has written for newspapers in Dallas, Miami, and Chicago among other but usually ends up getting canned when the editors realize he’s killing their credibilty. There are even rumors that he’s a rampant homosexual which I guess is perfect for a show like “Cold Pizza”. I’ve heard that his nickname among fellow ESPN employees is "the Human Anus."
While we are all a little bit dumber for having read Bayless the last few years, there is only one true victim here. I just finished reading Bayless’s 3rd article on how “In 10 years, Vince Young will have won two Super Bowls and will be a cinch Hall of Famer.” Young’s fate has pretty much been sealed at this point as a top-10 bust, thanks to the Page 2 NFL genius. My recommendation is that Skip be banished to Seattle to sip lattes and take in a daily spa to deal with his menopause and cramps.
